she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
