i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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