Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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