New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Enjoy the penises
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
