she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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