I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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