if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
