Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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