I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
