everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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