no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
