drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
