I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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