Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
