i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
