God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
