I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
