just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
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Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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