Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
