No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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