Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
