Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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