You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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