my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize