you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
