Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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