That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
