Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
