I think I died a long time ago.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
