I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Blood and glitter go together right?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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