i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
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That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
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Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize