My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
