how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
