Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
