sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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