dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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