He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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