If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
