dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
