I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
