How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
