This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
