I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
