I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
