i would punch a child for taco bell
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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