It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
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Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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