If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
