What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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