i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
