Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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