we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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