the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't turn off my feet"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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