do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
