ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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