you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
