i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
