Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
