3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
