Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
