Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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