Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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